What I seem to be paying more attention to lately in life is all its many annoyances. I am naturally a little bit of a “Negative Nancy”, so it’s safe to say that I easily see all the annoyances out there. If I let myself, I can be annoyed with absolutely everything.
Just to name a few, I can be annoyed with how people drive on the road, how slow our food takes at a restaurant, how a job on the house isn’t being done fast enough, how I wish my husband was at home more, how I wish I didn’t have so much to do, when all my dogs want to do are go in and out every 5 minutes, how I wish people would stop texting me about silly things, how I wish the doctors could actually figure out what is wrong with me, how long I have to wait at the doctor’s office, how I have too much laundry and dishes to do, how quickly our house gets dirty, how my husband likes to leave clothes all over the house, when people ask me to do things that I just don’t have time or necessarily want to do, when people expect me to have all the time in the world, when certain people share in meetings, when things get complicated at work, when we have too much family stuff going on, when people I need to follow up with wont respond, when there are too many people in Wal-Mart (or should I say “Hell-Mart” as my husband likes to refer to it as), when the things I want/need are too expensive, when I’m running out of money, the list could go on and on. Like I said, if I let myself, I could be annoyed with literally everything.
But this isn’t how I want to live anymore. I don’t think anyone does if they really think about it. I don’t want to be miserable, not at peace, and unhappy, so what do I do to combat this. Well, I ask myself the question “what makes me happy?” and “what puts a smile on my face?’
So much: Christmas music, Christmas movies, funny TV shows, good movies that make you cry (but in a good way!), being able to give my dogs a million kisses, smell their still puppy scent on their ears, and be able to cuddle with them on the couch, being able to see a beautiful sunset, Christmas lights, old pictures, watching the PMO Christmas Show that I participated in when I was a kid, dancing, weddings, watching a good dance, singing, painting, writing, getting a nice card in the mail, doing anything and everything with my husband, including going out to dinner, shopping together, going to events together, cooking together, cuddling on the couch together, sitting around the fire together, watching a good movie together, or having a really good conversation, hanging out with friends and being able to feel the trust and warmth I receive from them, having a lot of laughs with my dad and his family (which I never thought was possible), eating lunch at Cracker Barrel with my mom, getting sweet texts from all of my family, seeing my mom’s dog so excited to see me, feeling good about myself, taking a trip, being able to experience something new, doing service work including bringing meetings into Detox and the Jail, having people actually want me to do things and want me to participate in events (even if I really don’t feel like it, you know how we can get), having a good conversation with my sponsor, decorating for Christmas, having a relationship with God, watching a family out shopping or out to dinner with their kids (if they are being good kids, haha), relaxing, good food (when I can actually eat it), thinking of things that put a smile on my face….honestly I could go on all day, which is really pretty cool.
Who would have thought that what makes me happy, far outweighs those little daily annoyances. When I was drinking I couldn’t see the happy. Who could when we believed that we lived in a dark, hard, world full of angst, bad luck, and turmoil? But the reality, which I know today, is that I have so many good things, happy things, loving things, amazing things that surround me on a daily basis, that I just don’t even know what to do with it all. My gratitude and blessings are endless. Maybe this time of year, it’s easier to see all that because of the reason for the season, or maybe it’s not, because this time of year also tends to bring more annoyances than ever. Either way, I know that God has given me such an amazing life, one that I never thought I could ever hope, dream for, or deserve. So why not give all the glory to Him and bask in that goodness? Do you think God would want you to stay in your misery, sadness, loneliness, frustrations, and annoyances, or get to the other side, open your eyes and see all the amazing wonders of the world that He has put before us?
Writing this has truly brought me such joy, and I have determined that I have to get better about keeping these feelings at the forefront of my mind on a daily basis. I remember when I first got sober, it was recommended to us to write a gratitude list every morning. A few 24 hours later, and I’m just not so good at that anymore. Life is too busy, I can’t wake up early enough, I’ll just do them in my head, but then by the time I get to work in the morning, I have done nothing of the sort and the first annoyance that happens, rocks my world. Maybe because I have given myself no defense against that first annoyance! I watch (well, I hear about it because I’m technically not awake yet) my husband get up every morning and do his morning routine, which includes a gratitude list. He didn’t stop on day 30 of sobriety; he has been religiously making it apart of his life for 3 years and continues to do that every single day. As much as I don’t want to admit it, he might be right about that one. Just for today, I will remember everything that makes me happy, I will pay attention to everything that puts a smile on my face, and I will bask in the goodness that God has surrounded me with. Today, I am blessed, and oh so happy.
