When I was staying in the halfway house during my first year of sobriety, I remember someone coming up with the phrase, “God Winks”, in other words, signs from God. I remember liking the idea of them being winks, like God was smiling at me and giving me little subtle hints of His works. What I have found over the years is that these God winks can come in all different shapes and sizes, some that are so big that you truly feel the power of God, and some that are so small that if you don’t keep your eyes open, you might miss them. They can come in the form of life events, feelings, and of course, other beautiful human beings.
The first time I felt the true power of God, I was riding in the back of a police van, coming from jail and riding to the prison in Raleigh. I think the only way to properly explain this story, is to start from the beginning. I had been in jail for almost 2 months out of my 5 month sentence. I was almost a year sober at the time. The PLAN, or so I thought, was that I would finish the 2 months in jail, and then be moved to Black Mountain (a DOC Women’s Treatment Facility) for my remaining 3 months. Why did I think this was the plan? Well maybe because the judge, my lawyer, and probation officer all seemed to be on board with this same plan. I remember the day they called me out of my cell to tell me it was time to go away. I thought, okay, I guess I’m going to Black Mountain early, although, I had a feeling that something just wasn’t quite right.
Being the controlling, perfectionist that I am, of course I proceeded to ask the jail officers where I was going and they proceeded to tell me: to a 13 month sentence at the Raleigh prison. Wait, WHAT? THIS WASN’T THE PLAN!!! I didn’t understand what was going on and I knew it wasn’t right, but when you are in jail and being led around in handcuffs, you don’t really have any other options but to do as you are told and agree with what they are saying. I got in the back of that van, scared to death, trying to think of how I was going to figure this one out, and we started our journey to Raleigh. But what ended up happening in that van, was truly one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I felt the true presence of God. I felt a wave of peace, calm and serenity, a feeling that I had NEVER experienced before in my life and in that moment I was happy. Happy that I was going to real deal prison? Hell no. But I WAS happy because I knew without a doubt that God had my back and I WOULD be able to get through this.
Feeling of God: check. What happened next, was truly another huge wink from God. We were probably no more than 10 minutes away from Raleigh and the driver of the van got a phone call. All at once, she took the first exit and changed directions, going back where we came from. She stated that the call she got was from someone from jail, a guardian angel of sorts, and that they had made a mistake with me. I was not supposed to go to Raleigh, but instead Black Mountain, so she was taking me back to jail where I would wait for my ride to Black Mountain. Was this real? Did this really just happen? Was this a coincidence or was it God?
People of God: next check. What I later found out, was the back story behind everything that happened with me that day. My mom had called the jail for some reason or another, and found out that I was being shipped to Raleigh. From there, she called my lawyer, who immediately called my probation officer and the judge who presided over my case. The next thing we know (or I should say that my mom knows) is that all 3 of them are huddled in the judge’s chambers to figure out how to get me back and get me to where I really needed to go. By some miracle, they made it in the nick of time with 10 minutes to spare. The judge was actually the guardian angel who called the jail and told them to stop that van and bring it back. That chain of events, still baffles me to this day and every time I think about it, sends chills up and down my spine: God winks to the highest degree.
I have to keep this experience close to my heart, because I don’t know if I have ever quite felt that kind of God presence again in my life. Yes, of course I have had moments of peace and clarity, nudges in this direction or that direction. I have had signs from God that came through other people, and I have had feelings, such as at my wedding, that I did in fact feel the presence of God through my husband and everyone else there to love and support us. I am learning to hold on to every single one of these God winks and to keep my eyes open for more to come.
