Ever heard this one before? If I had a dollar for every time I have heard someone say this, I’d be rich. The first time I heard this phrase I was in treatment for the 3rd time. We filled out an inventory every night and one of the things I always circled to work on was “trust the process”. It sounded good, but it seemed to be easier said than done.
When I got sober, trusting the process was extremely hard at first. I had to find God, which was even more difficult for a person like me since I wasn’t really sure exactly what I believed in to begin with. I also had to not regret my past, and believe that everything happens for a reason, past, present and future. To get to this place, I did the things my program teaches me: work with a sponsor, go through the steps, go to meetings, pray, ask for help. Little by little, my eyes were opened and I started having experiences that made me think, maybe life does work out just the way it’s supposed.
But then something happens, where I don’t feel that way anymore. In the beginning it was being unhappy at my job, getting frustrated that I wasn’t in a relationship, thinking if this is it, why even stay sober. I point this out to say this, that when I started having these feelings, I did exactly what the program teaches me to do. I reached out, told on how I was feeling, and put forth more action into working on my program. What that looked like for me was service work, sponsoring other woman, continuing to work with my sponsor, attending meetings, and praying A LOT. Then first thing you know, I am feeling and thinking a little differently, like hey, maybe life really IS working out the way it’s supposed to. TRUST the PROCESS.
Then life starts getting really good and we all know what happens next. We forget where we came from, we forget about the program, we think “we got this”, and we forget to trust the process. I have seen it time and time again, where people walk away from the program for one reason or another. There are those that are going to one meeting a month and don’t participate in any kind of service work, there are those that think church is the way to go and devote every second into Bible studies, church activities, and church service work, but can’t seem to remember the last time they stepped foot into a meeting. Then there are those who do nothing at all. What I do know, is that eventually if these people choose not to come back to the rooms, they will drink again. That IS the process.
And hey, I’m one of these people. Thankfully, I didn’t have to take a drink over it, but there was a time where I did get away from the rooms and this program and I started thinking I was normal. For me, that is a dangerous place to be. Because at that point, whether I’m doing nothing, or if I am only doing something else, like church, I have stopped trusting the process. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against church. I go to church. But the key is that I do that to enhance my spiritual life, while I am still strongly participating in the program, with service work, sponsoring other women, and attending meetings. The reason I do this is because this is the only place I am reminded of who I am. This is the only place that I find true relief, peace, hope, and joy. This is where I learn to trust the process.
So, guess what? I’m still working on trusting the process today. I have to be real. Sometimes I have doubts. Sometimes I wish things were easier. Sometimes I wish things would go my way. Sometimes I get frustrated, overwhelmed, sad, and angry. But I can turn to my program and I remember that I’m not in this alone. I remember I have a God, and many people loving, supporting, and guiding me. I remember that I can be of service today. And I can think back on all the times that I knew without a doubt, that everything happened for a reason. I see the events in my past happening the way they did, thinking the world was over at the time, then, watching them turn into something even more beautiful today. But just because I have a few 24 hours under my belt, doesn’t mean I won’t forget. So, I keep coming back, to hear what I need to hear, and be of service where I can. This is how I trust the process.
