With everything that has been going on in this world in the last year, or last few years, there is one simple question that comes to my mind: “where is God?” I remember when I first got sober, the whole God concept seemed super difficult and foreign to me, mainly because I was still unwilling to fully let go, but what I am realizing now, is that it wasn’t actually as difficult as I thought.
Over 6 years ago, life was a little simpler, and less complicated. Life wasn’t necessarily easier, but I had less to deal with. There was one thing going on at a time, and life seemed to go in slow motion. Now, fast forward to today, there is way too much going on, on fast forward…in my own life and in the world as a whole.
The honest truth is, I look around and shake my head these days. I can’t watch the news because it is too depressing. I have a hard time going out because I’m wearing a mask and I look around me and everyone else is wearing a mask too. For me, it’s been a weird reality to grasp. I hear and see on social media, in the grocery store, on the road, with family, in the work place, about hate, manipulation, selfishness, chaos, sin run ramp it, fear, rudeness, and I wonder how things seemed to get so bad. I don’t remember it being this way before. Was it because I used to be part of it? Was because I didn’t care about it? Was it because I was too obliterated to even notice?
Have I finally grown up and become clear-headed enough to start seeing life as it really is? Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. Some days more so than others, because let’s face it, life can get hard. Overall, I have a pretty fantastic life today, but when thinking about the world around me, I can certainly let it get me down. When did people stop being nice to each other? When did people start thinking that their opinion is the only one that matters? When did people become so entitled? When did people start thinking that violence is the only way to solve conflicts? When did people start being sarcastic, belittling, demeaning, selfish, and rude?
What I believe is that this sin has always been in the world. We know this from the beginning of time. There have always been wars, conflicts, hate, and selfishness, but I also believe that there was still a lot of good going on in the world too. Now, almost everything I see and hear about involves sin. So, I ask again, where is God? Where is the light? Where is the good? Where are the good Samaritans and the people who uplift others and applaud others? Where are the people who can have civilized conversations? Where is the kindness and the selflessness? Where are the people who let things go instead of trying to manipulate everyone and everything to their liking?
So, the next question I ask myself is what can I do about it? Well for starters, I choose to separate myself from toxic people, those that include the drama, the manipulation, and the attitudes. Then I try to do better myself on a daily basis, because don’t get me wrong, I can definitely have an attitude from time to time. I can think I’m right a lot of the time and listening to someone else’s opinion is out of the question. I can roll my eyes, or say something I shouldn’t say, because reality check, sin is in me too. But what I am grateful for today is having a program that teaches me to try to be different, try to do better, and try to do the next right thing.
Lastly, I have a God that I can rely on, to show me the light and to help me to show the light in my everyday life. Yes, I am just one person in the huge world, but what’s the harm that I could cause if I try to make a difference, if I try to show some kindness and respect, if I try to do the next right thing? And where can I find that same light elsewhere? With people who are trying to do the same thing I am, one day, one step at a time.
