Something that I have been thinking about lately, are things that I am passionate about: my likes and dislikes, views and beliefs. Thinking back, I was always the person that did not have my own likes and dislikes, my own voice, my own mannerisms, my OWN anything…I always copied what others were doing around me. I picked up their habits, likes, dislikes, the way they talked, the way they walked, their gestures, you name it. I was their very own mini me. I moved from group to group growing up and didn’t seem to stay with the same group of “friends” for more than a couple of years. Each time I changed groups, I became a different person, or I became the person that I thought you wanted me to be. I agreed with everything and I acted just like you. I didn’t realize that I never knew myself, the things I liked, the things I didn’t like, or my hobbies, beliefs and views, from something as simple as my favorite color, to something bigger like a political party.
When I first got sober was probably the first time I truly realized I did this, copied other people because I didn’t know my own true identity, and I spent the first couple of years in sobriety, feeling like a shell of a person. I felt the same way as I did before, like I had no idea who I was, but I just stayed that way, instead of trying to turn into other people, because I at least knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. Finally and at last around 2 and a half years sober, I woke up one day and realized that I actually had likes, dislikes, beliefs, views, and a personality that was my own and one that I actually liked. That was a good feeling.
Then as the years have progressed, I have become more and more ME. Some parts I like, others I don’t and continue to try to work on. When it comes down to it, I do really like my personality. I can be funny, real, and sensitive. I don’t turn into the people around me…I am me and I am good with that today. I can also be controlling, bossy, opinionated, and highly organized…all things that I try to work on. I know the things I like and the things I don’t like. For example, I like Christmas music, Christmas lights, walking my dogs, being in nature, the colors teal and gray, funny TV shows, trucks, glasses, comfy boots, and warm cardigans, having time to myself, getting massages, going on vacation, going out for a really nice dinner with my husband, drinking coffee, sitting by a fire, hanging out with friends & family, etc.
I also have passions and beliefs. I feel very strongly against animal abuse and hunting. For example, my husband and I put deer corn in our back yard and bird seed in our feeders, just so that God’s creatures have somewhere safe to eat and we are able to watch them with awe and wonder. I can’t stand seeing animals on the side of the road that didn’t make it, in a shelter, or in a family that doesn’t want them, and if we could, we would rescue every animal in the world. If I could go without eating meat, I would, just because I don’t agree with how most livestock are raised and treated.
I also don’t agree with how a lot of people in our world today behave. I don’t agree with the fighting, the riots, breaking the law out of hate, political manipulation tactics, and most of what is on the media these days. I do not tolerate the fakeness on social media and the cries for attention. I believe that more people should hear and learn about the disease of addiction AND I feel like everyone should be required to work a program, whether they are an alcoholic or not. I think the world might be a better place because of it. I also believe that being a part of the middle class has its disadvantages because my view is that we are part of a broken system.
Now, of course, I am sure that some people might not agree with my views, but they are MINE and I have a right to have them, just like you have the right to have yours. And hey, at least I have them today.
