Why did I decide to start blogging? Well, good question. To be able to answer that question fully, lets go back in time to about 5 years ago. I had gotten my 4th DWI, which became a habitual felony charge. Turns out the state of North Carolina, doesn’t really like drunk driving, and a lot of it. I don’t blame them. In one point in time for many years I was a true menace to society. Once I got this 4th DWI, because 3 just wasn’t enough for me at the time, I had officially run out of options. I always say, that God has to hit me over the head a few times, for me to finally get it. Fast forward to a little bit in time, and at around 10 months of sobriety under my belt, I had to officially clean up the wreckage of my past. I had signed my life away to 13-25 months in prison, which in my opinion, at the time, I rightfully deserved. And I was ready. I’m not sure if you are ever ready to go to prison, but I was. I was sober and had found a solution and I was ready to do what I needed to do. By God’s grace and a merciful judge, I was sentenced to only 5 months in prison.

I spent 2 out of the 5 months in county jail, which is an experience to say the least. Sure, I had been to jail plenty of times before, but this was the longest I had ever been. Was I scared? Absolutely. But, I also knew God had by back and I was prepared for whatever came my way. You definitely have to get creative to find things to do in jail. This was a building with no windows, no outside, and minimal time outside of your cell itself. So, what did I do? I WROTE. I wrote letters to friends in recovery and family. I had the strongest support system that any one human could imagine. But I also wrote for myself. The one thing that I really enjoyed in school. was writing. I didn’t necessarily think I was great at it, But I was the type of person, that once I started, I couldn’t stop. I sometimes had so many things to say that I couldn’t write or type fast enough.

In jail, I wrote about everything. And I wrote every single day. Whatever thoughts were coming to me that day, past, present, or future, I wrote them down. These included recent past, like the experiences I had in the treatment facility I stayed in for 90 days, or in the halfway house I had stayed in for 6 months. They also included longtime past, like my drinking experiences, good, bad, and very bad, my childhood, you name it. They included the present, my thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing sitting in this tiny jail cell, hearing the loud bang when the gates close that will haunt you forever, or the future, my goals and dreams for what I will do when I get through all this. I remember when I told my mom that I had been writing in there, she said “You should write a book!”. I never really had anymore thought to that until now.

Something that I have experienced over the years in sobriety, is I have periods of time where I can feel stuck, like I’m not growing, changing or moving forward. Thank God I haven’t taken a drink over these feelings, but I know if I stay stuck for long enough, taking a drink would be inevitable. Most recently, my feeling of being stuck started after I got married, which was about a month ago. I wasn’t happy with some things in my life, including a career, the future, my health issues, my passions, dreams and interests. I almost felt as though I had none, or any that did come to mind, I was scared to death. Fear will paralyze you into not making a change. But what I have learned is that making a change, can actually save you. Don’t get me wrong, my wedding and honeymoon and everything with that, were probably the best experiences of my life, a high that you cant get with drugs and alcohol. I married the best man I could possibly ask for and I know he was brought into my life by God, and God alone. But that high will only last for so long, and then I get to thinking, which usually is not the best place for me to be.

As I said before, God knows to hit me over the head for me to start “getting it” and that’s just what happened. I have been volunteering at the detox center in town and at the women’s jail in the area, bringing meetings and speaking the men and women, providing experience, strength and hope. I very much enjoy these activities and I suddenly realized that maybe, just maybe that is my passion, my calling, to help people in this way. I have been apart of lots of other service that goes along with my program, that includes sponsoring other woman who are struggling with the same issues that I am, and I suddenly I realized that I want to be able to help as many people as I can. So, why not start a blog.

I had no idea how to start a blog, how many people would really want to read what I wrote in a blog, and I was terrified to even start the process, but God kept nudging at me to do it. So here we are, a few nudges later, and we are writing a blog. Whoever is reading this, I want you to know, that if you are struggling with the same issues I have, or even different ones, that we can all be in this together. I believe we were put on this earth to help others, to love others, and perhaps my calling is to help others through my writing. Whenever I speak to groups, individuals, or through a computer, I speak nothing but MY truth. I want to be as real as possible, so that maybe someone out there can relate to the words I am saying. There is hope, I promise. You just have to stick around long enough to see the miracle happen.